Starwatch CLASSIC

In preparation for another FANTASTIFF TIFF (LOL), here's a classic UPDATE:

I've been tapped by VANITY FAIRT magazine to write a feature about the men of SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As we speak Matthew Lillard, Skeet Ulrich, David Arquette, Jamie Kennedy and I are drinking TURPENTINE out of our shoes in a dark alleyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is going to be such a SCOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gess whose on TWITTWER!!!!!!!!!!?

That's right Starwatchers, now you can follow me on Twitter @starwatch_upd8z 

JUST IN TIME FOR TIFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M (NICKLE)BACK BABY!!!!!

Let me just start this post off bye saying I LOVE LOVE!!!

To all my devoted followers, I know it's been a long time since I last posted, I hope you'll let me explain.  As you may have noticed my last Update was about my favourite new band of 20011, the one and only "Nickle Back" ...Well wasn't I embarrassed to discover that they're not a new band AT ALL!

It turns out they've been putting out cds for years and are "bone-of-eyed" INTERNATIONAL SUPERSATRS (NTM really old)!!!  I was so humiliated at having failed at my only job of having my finger on the pulse of HOT CELEBS that I couldn't face you guys until I had made it better the only way I know how... 

A cut for every thousand records sold.

AAANYWAYS, I am finally out of hibernation and just in time for the NEWS OF THE MILLLENNIUMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THat's right...

                                              CHADVRIL LAVROEGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELLO INDEED!!

That's right!!! As if you haven't heard already, the First Lady of Eastern Ontario Power-Pop-Punk Avril La Vigne* is getting married to the Noble and Talented Chad Kreoeger!!!!!!!!!!!!! You may remember that Avril was previously married to the unsettling half-man/half capuchin monkey hybrid Deryck (sp.?) Whitby of Some 41, but she's moved up the Evolutionary Ladder to Keroger who is at least 65% homo sapien (hetero sapien?).

Obviously news like this only raises more questions than answers: How did this worldwind romance go unnoticed by the Starwatch Elite?  When/where/why will they be getting betrothed?  How do I get a ticket?  Do his balls look weird?  How did she get him to abandon his wild ways?  Will this affect her perfume deal with Black Star?

 

So. F#@*king. Good.

I feel like I could go on all day, but let;s not blow our lode all at once here.  We've got plenty of time to watch these two Lovers pick out wedding uniforms, pose for pictures together, pick out a church and once all is said and done, consummate the marriage in what will hopefully result in a whole brood of intelligent, attractive, talented offspring.

Leave us out of this.

And I'll be here every step of the way.  But Please, on behalf of the Entertainment Celebrity Gossip industry, let's give these two their privacy, except for when they do stuff.

I'm telliung you people, this is my Roayal Wedding; my Kate and William; my Katy and Russel, my Mom and Dad (I wish!).  I have no doubt in my mind that this is TRUE LOVE and will last forever.  And if it doesn't, I will 100% kill myself.
See you soon True Love Believers!!!!

* Accroding to Google Translate, "Avril La Vigne" translates to April Vine, which sounds SUSPICIOUSLY like April Wine AKA Central Nova Scotia's top RockNRoll Supergroup.  So if you didn't think we were witnessing PURE CAN-ROCK ROYALTY, than let it be confirmed.  If you disagree then take it up with the CRTC OK??????